Tag: mindset

Reflections, Regrets, and Resolutions

As the year comes to an end, many of us find ourselves reflecting on the year’s wins and losses, and making plans for the future.

If we find time for that, of course. 

The thing is, though, there’s always time. It’s more about finding the energy and mustering the courage to be honest with yourself. 

Of course, you don’t have to. After all, it’s just a date on the calendar, isn’t it? Nothing magically changes overnight. No matter how much we would like it to. 

Change takes time and effort. And whether the beginning of a new year is a big thing for you–or you couldn’t care less–it’s still a great time to sit down and reflect. 

The end of the year can be quite an overwhelming time. When you’re overwhelmed and stressed, when you have a million things on your mind and your to-do list, it’s easy to end up feeling lost and confused. To miss the important part. 

And by the important part I mean looking back and assessing what you have achieved. What this past year has taught you. Have you changed? Have you grown? Have you done anything you should be proud of? 

First of all, you’ve made it through this year, with all the challenges and obstacles life keeps throwing at you. It’s already a big win. It’s a massive accomplishment. 

But look deeper. Look at the details. Find a few minutes amongst the festive craziness to sit down and think. Pick up your notebook, or open your notes app on the phone. Start writing down the things you have accomplished. All of them, big and small. Don’t rush with the plans and resolutions. They’ll come later. Acknowledging what you want to change in your life is important, but it also means focusing on the things that you lack. That you “failed at” so far–in your own thinking. Start with the things that you have achieved first. You’ll be surprised. We tend to overlook these things. We take them for granted. They always come with a “but”, have you noticed? 

“Well, yes, I did publish a book this year, but only one… And I haven’t finished writing my next one.”

“Well, yes, I did make some progress in my career, but I want more. This isn’t enough.” 

“Well, yes, I did make some great memories of traveling/spending time with friends and family/reading good books/watching movies/going to concerts, but I wish I had done more. Seen more. Read more. Written more.”

I’m sure you’ll find these thoughts familiar. We always seem to focus on the things we want/need/haven’t accomplished/fear missing out on. 

Except it doesn’t help. It’s the least productive thing to do. You can’t go back in time and change things. But you can make a plan for the future. A solid, detailed plan of actions you are willing and ready to take in order to achieve those goals. 

But first, you need to acknowledge your wins. Contradictory to my favorite quote, “Don’t look back, this isn’t where you’re heading,” sometimes you need to. Sometimes, you need to look back and assess what you’ve done wrong and what you’ve done right. Doing that will help you with creating your plan for the future. 

Look at what you have achieved and learned this year. Give yourself credit. See how much effort you have put in. It’ll show you how capable you are of achieving things when you are truly determined. 

At the beginning of the year, I was terrified each time I was invited to do an author interview. I still did. But I never went back to watch them. It bothered me. So I made a decision to step out of my comfort zone. I started a podcast. Then I started a YouTube channel. Later in the year, I had an idea of making a series of videos with daily reminders. Things I myself need to be reminded of, from time to time. I spoke on podcasts. I’ve done several interviews on YouTube.


At some point, I felt deflated and discouraged. After constantly putting in a lot of time, effort, and energy, sometimes I feel like it’s not leading anywhere. I’ll be completely honest–I regularly think of giving up.

And that’s where I’m going wrong. 

Whether my words reach thousands of people, or hundreds, or only a handful–they still matter. They can still make a difference. If I can help one person today–in one way or another–it’s already worth it. 

And without a shadow of a doubt I know I have grown from this experience. I have overcome my fears. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I still don’t have thousands of subscribers–and I don’t know if I ever will–but I am proud of what I have achieved. I’m proud that I accepted my own challenge. And this is what I decide to take with me into the new year. 

I haven’t published several books, learned a new language, or climbed Everest. I haven’t saved the world. But I created several new ones in my stories. I published the last novel in my fantasy trilogy. I wrote several short stories for my upcoming collection. I started writing poems. As of today, I’ve made fifty videos with encouraging daily reminders. I went to another city to see a concert by my favorite band. I listened to music, read amazing books, made new friends on different social media platforms, watched some breathtaking sunsets at the sea, and took thousands of photos and videos. I celebrated my little son’s fourth birthday, and in a few days, I’ll be celebrating my elder son’s eighteenth.

There are so many blessings, wins, achievements, and miracles in my life that I’m feeling overwhelmed when I think about it. 

And this is a good way of feeling overwhelmed. It’s the right way. 

Please find the time to reflect and count your blessings. Please celebrate yourself, your life, and all your accomplishments this year. And then–if you do decide to make New Year resolutions–you’ll be making them not from the position of lacking something or being unhappy with your life. You’ll be looking at what other incredible things you can do in your amazing–one and only–life. 

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. And don’t forget to be proud of yourself.

LIFE IS GROWTH

If you don’t grow; if you don’t change, or learn — what’s the point? You might as well be dead.

Learn from your wins and from your failures. Learn from everything and everyone you come across.

Push your boundaries. Stretch them. Eliminate them when needed. (You know I’m talking about you and your own boundaries here, right? Not about the other people invading them.)

If you can set any goal that you really want to stick to, make it a short-term one.

Easy and simple: Don’t wake up the same person you were yesterday.

Every subtle change you achieve in constructing the new version of you is a win.

Maybe, you learned to say ‘No’ when it was necessary. Or, maybe, you managed to be a little more patient and understanding than usually. Maybe, you learned a new skill, or at least took the first step towards mastering it. All these things make you a slightly different YOU.

Defeated your fear?

Or gained a new fear that you can now work on defeating?

This all means that you’re ALIVE. You’re breathing, growing, and changing.

And that’s what life is all about.

Ever watched “Groundhog Day”? Well, there is no “groundhog day.” Even the concept of the so-called “groundhog day” is a nightmare, isn’t it? The whole idea of the movie was to show us that we can CHANGE and LEARN and GROW. And only then life starts HAPPENING.

Going through life on autopilot isn’t living.

Embrace your life. Own it. Enjoy it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Not enjoying it? Do something to change it. Anything. Can’t change the circumstances? Change yourself.

Sometimes, one small change is all it takes. To set your life in motion.

And sometimes, you’ll need to put much more effort into it.

But don’t be intimidated by the ‘Everest’ you ‘have to climb.’

Focus on each step instead.

I can moan about 50-something subscribers I have on my YouTube channel, or my content not getting seen and appreciated enough. Not enough views/likes/comments. The algorithm hates me. How depressing… right?

Wrong.

Two months ago, the idea of going on YouTube would most likely give me a panic attack.

My books are still not on the bestseller list. Bummer. That’s definitely something to be frustrated about… right?

Wrong.

Tell that to the younger version of me who dreamed of writing books but never really believed it was possible… (until she finally did).

I took that step. And another one. And then another one.

I keep taking those steps every day, no matter what.

I decided to focus on my growth this year. I’m determined — when it comes to end of 2023 — to be a VERY different person to who I was at the start of the year. Is it because I was a “not-good-enough” person? Nope. It’s because I’m ALIVE and that means I’m changing, growing, and I want to experience this life to the maximum. I want to see what I can do. Or what I can learn to do. Or at least what I can try to learn to do.

See what I’m hinting at? It’s not about the result. It’s about the process.

Your life is what you are experiencing right now. What you’re doing/trying/learning/failing/succeeding at. Now. As you live it.

And this is what you should focus on.

Not the obituary someone else will read when it’s too late for you to add or change anything.

How to Start Writing And Stick With It

So, you want to write a book. Where to start?

The most important part of the writing process is—don’t be surprised—actually writing. What’s even more important is beginning to write – if you’ve never really done it before.

If you have a story idea in mind, and you’ve always wanted to write a book, but never had the time, the courage, or enough motivation, hopefully, my insights will help you. 

The most important thing is to start. To take that first step. Even if it’s just opening your notebook—or the notes on your phone—and jotting down your ideas.

Every writer has a different process they prefer and are used to. I can only tell you about mine. About what worked for me personally.

When I started writing my book, I had a 6-month-old baby on my hands. He’s now 3,5 years old, and if I’m honest, it leaves me with even less free time to do anything. And I mean, ANYTHING.

Maybe you have all the time in the world. Maybe you only get a few minutes to yourself at the end of a busy day. We’re all different, we have different circumstances and family situations, and that’s totally understandable. 

But if you have the passion and the determination to start writing—believe me, there is always a way.

As you continue your writing journey, you’ll be discovering new things about yourself as a writer. About the writing process that works for you personally. Like, for example, whether you are a plotter or a pantser. You might have come across these terms before. Basically what it means is that plotters like to come up with a rather detailed plan for their story. Some may even have every single chapter plotted out before they begin. Pantsers – well, they just write by the seat of their pants and see where the story takes them.

And then there are plantsers—something in between. I believe I fit into this category, because I start out with a rough outline in mind (which I write down in my notes—and I highly encourage you not to skip this step), I have a basic idea of who my story is about, and what will happen in the beginning, middle, and end.

All the rest starts unfolding as I write. Including side characters, and all the adventures my main characters have to go on.

So here’s your step one. Think of an idea, have a brainstorming session with yourself (or your partner, friend, cat—whoever you find suitable for the role) and write it down. You can tweak it later. Don’t look for perfection. Just get it out there, and maybe even leave it for a day or two, so that you can come back to it later.

But then, at some point, you actually have to start writing. Again, don’t overthink and edit as you go. Let your creativity flow, let the ideas in your mind transform into words and sentences and get them on to that page (or screen—whatever you decide to use).

Here’s what I did. I started writing in my note app on my phone. Don’t recommend it, especially if you’re typing with one hand while holding a baby with the other. One wrong movement, and you end up deleting a chunk of your text with no undo button.

What I found more convenient later on was a Google Docs app on my phone. I still open a new doc for every chapter I write. It works for me, but maybe you’ll find it easier to have just one big document. Again, give it a try, play with it, see what works for you.

Now that you’ve overcome the fear of the blank page (if you had it to begin with) and wrote a sentence, or paragraph, or maybe a whole chapter, there’s a risk that you won’t continue. For whatever reason. You’re feeling insecure, imposter syndrome is attacking, or you don’t like what you wrote, or you just get wrapped up in everyday tasks and can’t find the time.

And then the inspiration and the motivation you had in the beginning start to dwindle. 

This is the most dangerous part. 

Don’t let this happen to you.

What you need at this stage is to create a habit. Consistency is extremely important in writing. To keep yourself motivated, to perfect your skill—you need to keep writing.

One piece of advice: don’t set unrealistic goals. Don’t compare yourself to others. You might see someone sharing that they write 2000-3000 words every day, or even more, you’ll feel like it’s unattainable for you, and you’ll be tempted to give up.

Don’t do that. You do you. It doesn’t matter how many words you write every day or week. What matters is that you write consistently. Work out a schedule that works for you. Can you do 500 words a day? Awesome. Only 100? Still awesome. Can’t write every day? Give yourself days off. Write 5 days a week, or 3 days a week. Things change. Figure out what works for you at this particular moment of your life, and stick with it for now. You just need to get going and form a habit of writing. Maybe it will mean that when you have a few free minutes to go on your phone, you’ll type a couple sentences instead of scrolling social media, checking your email or the weather forecast. Stuck in a traffic jam or waiting for an appointment, or to pick up your kid from school, sporting event, etc? Type or dictate some ideas for the chapter you’re working on. You’ll be amazed at where this can take you when it becomes a solid habit.

At the beginning of my writing journey, I started publishing my chapters on Wattpad. Later on, I changed my mind and decided to just finish the book and self-publish it. But I want to mention that I’m grateful for Wattpad. It gave me exactly what I needed at that point – discipline and accountability. Something I needed to gain the momentum and to create a habit. I set a schedule for myself, and even though I didn’t have hundreds of followers waiting impatiently for my next chapter – I knew, myself, that I had a deadline to meet. A self-imposed deadline. And it worked.

At some point I dipped, though. Life got a bit too crazy—as it tends to—and I missed a month or two of writing. What saved me was finding an accountability partner—a writer friend on Instagram—who was in a similar situation. We decided to encourage each other and let each other know every day how our writing was going.

It made a huge difference. For a couple months, I was writing every single day, and even marking the number of words for each day on the calendar. It was a new habit, a new routine, and it also made me feel proud of myself.

And guess what – that’s exactly how I finished my first draft.

Which leads me to the next important point. Find a supportive community. Don’t hesitate to reach out to other writers. Connect with them. Engage. Learn from them and share your experience, your struggles, your successes. Every author out there had to start somewhere. They’ve all been exactly where you are right now. You can learn a lot from others, and just being a part of a community of like-minded people can take you a long way. I have met amazing people and so many talented authors in the writing community, and I’m so grateful for them. Of course, at first I felt insecure and unsure. Felt like I don’t belong. Like, “All those awesome people out there are authors, and they know so much, and they have books published… Who am I? What do I bring to the table?”

Does it sound familiar? Trust me, I know how that feels. My Instagram account used to be dedicated to jewelry making—which is what I was doing for about a decade. When I started writing, my feed changed completely, because I started following writers and authors. I started searching for writing-related discussions on social media. There are a lot of writing groups on Facebook. There’s an awesome writing community on Twitter—I came to that one later on in my journey, but I’m really glad I did. Whichever platform you prefer, you can “find your tribe.”

If you want to become a writer, you need to be a writer. You need to feel like you’re a writer. And constantly remind yourself of that. Because guess what, if you’re writing, you ARE a writer. It’s that simple.

Start taking your writing seriously. Start taking yourself seriously. I don’t mean give up your day job right now or move to a deserted island with only a notebook and pen. You don’t really have to sacrifice anything if you want to let something new in. Well, you might need to sacrifice your habit of procrastination, if you have one. But what can I say… good riddance, right?

Again, it’s not about how many hours a day you dedicate to it. Not about how quickly you can write a book. It’s about making yourself comfortable in this new role, and giving it importance – maybe even priority. It’s about the process, not the result. The result will come, trust me, if you have the right process and the right mindset in place.

So in a nutshell, here’s what you need to do if you decided to start writing.

You need to come up with an idea, and you need to start. And stick with it. Make it into a habit. Welcome this change into your life, and embrace it. Look for support and motivation from others, but don’t rely on that fully. It’s your story. It’s your journey. You are the one who needs to believe in yourself first of all. There will be battles ahead—with self doubt, insecurities, and imposter syndrome. Prepare yourself for that by becoming strong and empowered through your own self-belief.

It might seem scary at first, but trust me, finding the courage and following your dreams is worth it. Give it a try. Start writing your story.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

How often and how easily do you take steps out of your comfort zone?

I haven’t set any resolutions at the beginning of 2023, but I decided where my focus will be this year. Or my “word of the year”, as people often put it.

GROWTH

Which means constantly learning and evolving. Trying new things, welcoming new opportunities, gaining knowledge, skill, and experience. In all areas of my life. Writing, self-awareness, parenting, interacting with other humans around me.

It will most definitely involve making tons of mistakes, tripping and falling, but also getting up and giving it another try.

Because growth is painful. Growth forces us to leave our cozy comfort zone and go out there. To overcome stuff. To face our fears. To push aside our insecurities and self doubts—all that baggage we keep lugging around wherever we go. Mine’s awfully heavy, to be honest. I really need to get rid of that stuff.

So why am I telling you all this?

Because yesterday I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and started a podcast.

I’ve never tried it before and I feel terribly anxious. I want people to hear it, and I’m also terrified they will actually listen to it. I didn’t even want to share it on social media at first.

So today I’m taking another step out of my comfort zone and telling everyone about my new podcast.

It’s called Dreams, Books, and Miracles. I’ll be talking about writing and reading. Sharing parts of my writing journey and hopefully encouraging someone to embark on their own. Talking about books I enjoyed and talented authors I keep meeting in the writing community. And about how important it is to follow your dreams and overcome your fears.

https://anchor.fm/elena-carter

If you check it out, I’ll be thrilled (terrified, of course, who am I kidding, but still thrilled!) to get some feedback. Comment, or send me an email, or suggest something you’d like to hear in the future episodes — whatever you have to say means a lot to me and supports me on this journey.

And if you’re also thinking of starting something new and taking that first step out of your comfort zone—I’m rooting for you. You can do this. You’ll be so proud of yourself for giving it a try. Go ahead, open that door and step over the threshold. Good luck!

Why Do I Write?

There are many reasons. I’ve always wanted to write, and when I finally started, it felt so right that I almost regretted missing all those years. I’m saying ‘almost’ because I don’t really regret anything. The way my life went, the things I had to go through, and the lessons I learned, all of this has shaped me into the person I am today. And this is the person who is finally ready to tell stories.

Going back to the reasons for writing—there are plenty. But here’s one of the most important ones I want to focus on today.

I have two sons. 

I have a teenager who thinks he’s got life figured out. 

And I have a toddler who is only beginning to learn what this world is all about. And when he is the same age as his big brother is now, he’ll probably think the same.

It’s okay. They are learning. And I’m learning with them. 

But I’m also teaching them something too. 

I’m teaching them that it’s okay to follow your dreams. No… wrong wording. Following your dreams is the right way to go. It’s in fact the only way to go if you want to find yourself. And to stay true to yourself.

I’m teaching them that following your dreams can be hard. And scary. But it’s not a reason to give up.

I’m teaching them that it’s never too late to start. 

My teenage son is reading my book now. It’s not his preferred genre. And there’s a great chance  he won’t like it. But every time he picks it up, he’s holding physical proof of the fact that anything is possible. That it’s possible to start writing when you’re 40 years old, when you are raising a baby, when you hardly have any time or energy, but counteract it with enough stubbornness to type on your phone in the middle of the night. To type words in the language that is foreign to you. 

So maybe he’ll feel more hopeful.

He learns that if you don’t know how to do something, it’s possible to research and learn. For example, you can learn all you need to know about self-publishing your book. And while doing that, you can meet so many people on that journey. You can also genuinely connect with those people from all parts of the world. You can read their stories, support them, learn from them, and call them your friends. 

So maybe he’ll feel less lonely.

He learns that you can pour your heart out on the paper (or screen), wrapping it gently in words, linking those words together and making phrases, using those phrases to build stories. Stories based on your thoughts, your feelings, your imagination, your dreams, your joy, and your pain. 

So maybe he’ll learn to open his heart. 

And as for my little one, he is really obsessed with my book cover. Every time he sees my book, he needs to hold it. Well, I can’t blame him, the cover is absolutely stunning. But seriously, do you know why I think he’s drawn to it? Because he can feel what it means to his mom. He can feel what I invested in that book. And I’m not talking about the financial investment here, of course. He can feel the energy coming from a dream that came true. It’s pretty much like magic.

He’ll grow up and I’ll have many more books published. But I will tell him where it all started. How I decided to follow my dream when he was a little baby. How the chapters of that very first book were created while he was sleeping in my arms.

I’ll tell him this story and then I’ll say, “You see, son, anything is possible if you really want it. You need to be brave enough to start, and then you just keep going no matter how hard it gets. Don’t give up, don’t turn back, believe in yourself, and you’ll get there.”

These are the things I want to teach my kids. And what better way is there to teach than through leading by example?

Become Your Own Superfan

I got a two-star review on Goodreads. It didn’t have any text attached to it. So I don’t know what exactly the person who read my book (I do hope that they actually read the book) didn’t like about it, or what they found wrong with it.

It felt strange. It didn’t really upset me, but still, it stung a little. So I decided to reflect on my thoughts and feelings about it. I mean, I know that it’s not about me personally. It’s about my book, and it’s about that person and their opinion, which they are totally entitled to have.

But still, at some point I found myself feeling a little bit deflated and discouraged. You know, we all have those days, we all have those ups and downs. One day you feel like you’re on top of the world, and the next day you feel like you’re a complete failure. Or the imposter syndrome kicks in and it’s nagging you, saying ”Well, what did you expect? Did you think you were a good writer? And that everybody was going to read and like your book?” I’m sure many of you recognize that nasty little voice that lives inside your head.

So I was thinking about it, and analyzing my feelings, and trying to see what I’m doing wrong and what lesson I can learn from it. 

And here’s what I came up with:

First of all, the only person that needs to truly believe in you and your writing (or whatever it is that you’re passionate about) is yourself. It’s great if you have a supportive environment. It’s awesome if your friends and family are there for you and they believe in you, no matter what. Or if you have an amazing streat team on Instagram, and you know that people are rooting for you all the time.

But you have to be absolutely sure that if all that is taken away from you — for any reason whatsoever — there will always be one person left on your side. YOU.

If tomorrow you wake up, and the world suddenly hates you. And people are like, “We just don’t like you anymore, and we don’t believe in you anymore. And we don’t want to read your stories anymore, and we don’t want to talk to you anymore.”  Even if that extremely unpleasant scenario happens to you – you still need to be there for yourself. You have to not let anyone or anything bring you down or stop you from believing in yourself.

Second, people are different. They all have their own agenda. They have their good days and bad days. They have their moods. 

People have things, other people, and circumstances that influence their every thought, their every word, and every decision. They’re not in control of it most of the time (or they choose not to be, but that’s another topic altogether.)

Let’s admit it, more often than we want to, we find ourselves not in control of our own lives. So how would you control anyone else, right?

What I’m talking about here is that you cannot influence other people, you cannot influence their opinion, you cannot influence/change/predict the next thing that they’re going to say or do, whether it’s concerning you, or anyone else, or anything else. 

You can’t do anything about it. So let it go. 

I’m a control freak myself, and I know too well how hard it is, but seriously, just LET IT GO. You cannot do anything about it. When you accept it, things will become much easier.

We’re all seeking approval and validation, whether we admit it or not. We all like to be praised. And valued. And liked. Even loved. 

There’s nothing wrong with it, really. It’s a very natural thing. Problems start when it becomes a need, a priority, something you can’t function without.

And most of us fall into that trap more often than we would like to. 

Because when we start depending on validation and approval from others – we’re trapped. Eventually, it will make us lose our real goal and forget our main destination. It will seem like we’re moving ahead, while in reality we’re just running out of breath on an invisible treadmill. 

I saw a review on Goodreads recently from a fellow author Nicole Adair. She reviewed her own book, “A Tangle of Dreams.” She wrote, “I’m writing this review because the opinion that matters most to me is my own. It hasn’t always been this way, but that’s the way I’d like it to be from now on.”

There is so much power and so much wisdom in this. I keep repeating to myself, “That’s the way I’d like it to be from now on.”

Try this approach. I most definitely will. 

Become your own number one fan. Your own supporter. If others offer you their approval and support, accept it with gratitude, but don’t make it a necessary condition for your success. 

After all, nobody knows you better than you do. Nobody understands you better than you do. Everything else and everyone else is beyond your control.

5 Things You Need To Ditch On The Road To Success

We all have our own definition of success. We have different goals, we have different dreams and choose our own paths to follow them.

For someone, being successful is getting a new job or building the career of their dreams. For others, it’s buying a house. Or becoming a bestselling author. Or even publishing just one book, sharing that one and only story with the world. 

But there is a number of obstacles on the way to success that will be common for any field or sphere you’re striving to conquer. 

Being an author, I’m mostly talking about things that can prevent writers from reaching the desired level of success on their writing and publishing journey, but I’m sure that you’ll find them applicable in your particular case too. 

1. “If it ain’t perfect, it ain’t worth it.”

Your enemy #1 is Perfectionism. Suffering from this disease myself, I really know what I’m talking about. 

Let’s imagine that somewhere, in a parallel universe, there is a cemetery of unborn projects. Different creative projects that could have become books, songs, movies, paintings, sculptures, or any other works of art. I’m ready to bet that they would all have one cause of death engraved on their tombstones: perfectionism of their creator. 

All of them have been abandoned at some point because of a ton of little (and in most cases insignificant) faults found by the only person who could bring them to life. 

Most of them weren’t given a chance. 

It’s sad, really. 

Now that we’ve honored their memory by a minute of silence, let’s talk about why it happens. And why you need to avoid it happening to you. To your ideas and projects, I mean.

To be honest, I have no idea where my perfectionism comes from. I don’t know if any psychoanalysis will help me figure out why I constantly need to prove something to the world. I didn’t have strict parents demanding excellent grades from me. I didn’t have anyone putting additional pressure on me. I like to do it myself. 

And it’s a real pain, I must tell you. 

There’s a good chance you already know it.

So, what do we do? 

The most important thing we need to understand is that nobody is perfect. Sounds banal, I know. We’ve all heard it a billion times. Except we didn’t really let the concept sink in. Because there’s always this nasty tiny voice whispering to us, “No one is perfect … but you need to be!”

Next time you hear this voice, tell it to shut up and leave you alone. 

Truth is, you don’t. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t owe it to anyone, even to yourself. What you do owe to yourself is to give it your all. Try to be the best (and no, ‘best’ does not equal ‘perfect’) version of yourself. Learn from your mistakes and be grateful for those mistakes – because all they mean is that you’re actually trying. That you’re actually doing something. Be happy when you make mistakes. Embrace them. They are indicators of your progress.

Even your own definition of ‘perfect’ will change over time (it probably already has – multiple times – you just need to look back at some of your earlier views, concepts, and ideas and you’ll see it).

So why bother? Why struggle, suffer and pressurize yourself trying to achieve something that later on you will again view as ‘imperfect’? Total waste of your time and energy.

How about setting a permitted error percentage? A tentative one. Say, you need to get things right in 80% instances, and in the other 20% you allow yourself to make mistakes? Lets you breathe a bit more freely, doesn’t it? 

Stop aiming for 100%. You’ll most probably never get there. Chances are you’ll just turn around and go back, which would be a shame, because your success was waiting for you  at the destination, and you never showed up. Because you were afraid of being imperfect.

Which brings us to the next point.

2. “This is way out of my comfort zone.”

The next enemy we’re going to face is Fear. 

You probably remember one or two nightmares you had, where something was scaring or threatening you, but you couldn’t move or even make a sound?

Same in life – even though in a somewhat more subtle way. Fear immobilizes us. 

You might not realize it, because it is usually masked under different other emotions or feelings. But more often than you think, you can’t achieve progress or even quit altogether because of fear. 

It can be fear of failure. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being judged (or laughed at). Fear of change. Fear of success (yup, that’s a thing). 

I would say all of them have something in common. They are all related to a certain change. Change of status, or change of emotional state, or change of circumstances and surroundings – and it’s always followed by the need of further actions. And that’s what makes us even more uncomfortable. 

We’re all living in our comfort zones. Following certain patterns. And no matter how much we complain about our life – the fact is that we’re actually quite comfortable in it, because we’re used to everything that surrounds us and even to what we think and feel and how we react to things around us.

Changing the pattern and trying something new would mean leaving the warm and cozy place where we’ve been snuggling up comfortably for years and even decades. Leaving it for the cold and windy and hostile unexplored territory, where we’ll have to learn and do new things. And stumble. And fall. And feel like a joke sometimes.

Of course it’s scary. 

But I think it’s way more scary to spend the rest of your life in that little box that you delude yourself into finding comfortable.

3. “How dare I even try?”

Does the voice of Impostor Syndrome sound familiar to you? Have you ever found yourself thinking, ”What am I doing? Who do I think I am? Why am I pretending that I can do it? I’m not like them. They will see what I truly am, and it will be a disaster.”

Well, something along these lines. You got the gist. 

First, we create an image in our head – a perfect one – and then we start panicking that we don’t conform to that standard. Impostor syndrome is closely tied to perfectionism, and it leads us to finding faults in anything we do, being hard on ourselves while also being overly sensitive to criticism, not appreciating our own achievements and successes and giving ourselves credit, thinking instead that we just got ”lucky” to get to a certain level. And last but not least – constantly comparing ourselves to others (not in our favor, obviously.)

You know what, I’ll just leave a quote by Neil Gaiman here. Read it and you’ll see – it’s all you need to know about impostor syndrome.

“Some years ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.

On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”

And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”

And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.”

Beautifully said. Think about it. In the end, all that matters is doing the best job we can. 

4. “I want it all and I want it now.”

Impatience. My old friend. Always by my side. 

I always “can’t wait.” It’s probably one of my most overused words, especially in the posts on social media.

I realize it, and I’m working on it. And I’m actually getting somewhere – the upcoming release of my book is proof. 

When I started writing it last year, in the beginning I was uploading my chapters to Wattpad weekly. Which, on one hand, did me a huge favor in terms of self-discipline, but on the other hand there was an issue of seeking validation and approval. 

I was new there, I didn’t have many readers. And I couldn’t wait to share my story and see what everyone thinks.

I was looking for different ways to increase my visibility and came across the annual writing contest on Wattpad. They accepted only fully completed works. I was in the very beginning, only a few chapters through. But I got excited and decided to use it as an incentive. I needed to submit a work of 50000 words, and I had two-three months for it. 

The pressure I put myself under almost made me stop writing. I had a little baby and very limited time to write (he’s a toddler now and I have even less time). And I was about to rush the whole process and to end my book at 50K words … for what? Taking part in a contest?

My impatience was kicking me from behind, saying, “Go, go, go! Hurry up! Write it quickly, and submit it!”

And I almost surrendered. And then I realized I can’t make it, which led me to put the whole thing on pause for a month or two. 

That was a very risky thing to do. And now, when my novel is available for pre-order on Amazon, after I came back to it and finished the first draft in my own time, at my own pace (which was again pretty fast, but realistically this time) and then spent a few months on editing it (which brought it from 92K down to 83K words) and preparing for publishing, I look back and think about how my impatience almost ruined it. 

Everything valuable takes time. Don’t rush. Enjoy the process. 

5. “I tried; it didn’t work immediately; so why bother.”

The last thing I wanted to discuss here is Lack of Persistence.

I’d say it’s a combination of Perfectionism and Impatience. 

It’s when you have unrealistic expectations, and if they’re not met (immediately, says Impatience), you give up instead of pushing through.

So, to make it easier for yourself, first of all, ditch the expectations. Just focus on the actions you need to take on the way to your goal. Not on the result. Not on the timeline. Focus on the process. Do your best. You’ll trip and fall. Everybody does. Just get up and continue walking.

Continue giving it your best, taking responsibility, and learning from your mistakes. It will inevitably bring results. Sooner or later, one way or another. 

If you really want to achieve it, you’ll keep trying. It won’t just be like “I tried once, and it didn’t work”. It’ll be more like “I’ll keep trying until I succeed.”

And it’ll most definitely be difficult. You’ll encounter all kinds of obstacles on the way. You’ll feel like giving up. You’ll feel discouraged and deflated. 

But as Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Makes sense, right?

He also said something else, and I think the following quote perfectly sums up everything I was talking about here: “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”