Tag: self-help

What a Funny Time

I’m watching my little son as he sleeps. Marveling at this miracle we’ve created. Trying to wrap my head around how perfect he is. And how this perfect human being came from inside me.

It’s such a strange season of my life. My youngest turns 5 next month. And no matter how cliche it sounds, these years just flew by in the blink of an eye. They really did. There was a lot that happened in these five years, of course. There was a whole pandemic that turned the world upside down. There was a start of my writing career that turned my life upside down. There were struggles, adventures, learning curves, moments of joy. Tears and laughter, hellos and goodbyes. Everything you could imagine. And yet, I look at this little angel (aren’t they all angels when they sleep?) and wonder—when did this happen?

I’m about to book a one-way flight to another country for my eldest son. He’s 18. He’s got a life of his own and rarely finds time for me. And he’s getting ready to embark on a journey of a lifetime, going abroad to study.

For a year, to start with.

Although he’s planning to stay longer. Okay, in fact, he’s not planning to return.

Which is a good thing, of course. We can never truly go back, we can only move forward. Besides, every journey, every smallest trip we take always cause irrevocable change inside us. You just can’t come back as the same person.

I know it. And I love it.

When it comes to my journeys.

But as I plan for my young adult’s departure, I realize that those eighteen years also flashed by. My little baby is not a baby anymore. And I have no idea how it happened.

Years.

Decades.

I’ve been building my life.

And a life for my kids.

Rebuilding it.

Sometimes from scratch.

Making decisions.

Going places.

Changing directions.

Countries, cities, homes, identities.

Am I even me anymore?

Who was me, anyway, and does it even matter, if I’m not her?

Who am I now, and who will I be next year?

I’m just someone who finds herself in a funny time.

Turned 45.

Published my 4th book.

Got my 1st tattoo.

Celebrated my mom’s 80th birthday.

Choosing a cake for my son’s 5th birthday.

Hoping my other son can come home for his Christmas break to celebrate his 19th.

Numbers.

They don’t define anything, yet they carry so much weight. We always rely on numbers, don’t we? They scare us but also ground us at the same time. As if they’re something we can desperately hold onto in this whirlwind of a life.

Except we can’t. Because numbers tend to change. They never stay the same. Because this is how time works.

Funny, crazy, weird time.

Embracing Change

I have a love-hate relationship with change. 

I think many people do. 

It’s so strange. One would think that change is such an inevitable part of life–pretty much the material life itself is made of–that we should be used to it and take it as something absolutely natural. Yet we keep resisting. We keep letting it throw us off track.

Everything in this world is about change. Morning changes to daytime, and then to nighttime. Days of the week change. Months. Seasons. 

Our bodies change. Our minds. Our feelings. Our habits. Sometimes, it happens slowly and gradually, and sometimes we feel like we blinked and the world turned upside down. 

There are changes we look forward to, and changes we fear. Even though we realize time never stands still, we find ourselves caught off guard looking in the mirror and noticing the first wrinkles, or stray gray hairs.

And then your favorite coffee shop closes down, and a new place opens instead. Another change that causes discomfort. You can live with that, of course, but you keep looking back and thinking how different your life used to be with or without those seemingly insignificant things. 

My generation has witnessed probably the most drastic change ever. Personally, I come from a place that was very different from the rest of the world, so it hit me even harder. I was born and raised in a country that doesn’t exist anymore, so I witnessed a whole world collapse before my eyes before I was even a teen.

Things kept changing at lightning speed. Later on, I moved to a different country. Learned a new language. My family fell apart. Fast forward a few years–I built a new family. 

I’ve lost people I loved. I’ve made new friends and learned new skills. Fell in love again, and brought a new life into this world.

I should be immune to change by now. 

But I’m not. 

This year brings a whole lot of change into my life. While my youngest son starts daycare, my eldest graduates from high school, learns to drive, and plans to leave in a few months to study abroad. I’m equally excited and terrified. 

Over the years, I’ve learned to adapt and adjust to pretty much anything. If I was to pack up tomorrow and move to another place–house, city, country, continent–I know I’m capable of doing that. I’ll manage. 

Will it be easy? Absolutely not. 

A few years ago, writing books was a dream of mine. A life-long dream. Something that never changed over all those years in the crazy whirlwind of my life. 

Today, I have several books published–in a foreign language–and I keep being hard on myself for not writing and publishing more. I’m always impatient. Always eager to do more, learn more, achieve more. 

And at the same time, I’m afraid of change. If I’m fully honest with myself, more often than I’d like to, I want to freeze the time. I want to press pause. Especially when it comes to thinking of the day (just a few months away) when my son gets on a plane and heads towards his new life.

How is it even possible, I wonder? To look forward to change, to growth and development, at the same time wanting to hide in a corner–in a cozy comfort zone–and being anxious about what tomorrow brings?

My little son plays a game and gets frustrated when he can’t get it right. I tell him, “It’s okay. You’re learning. That’s the whole point of it. That’s the fun part. If everything was easy, it would be boring.”


And at the same time, I think–how often do we as adults realize that? Can we even imagine what life would be like if nothing was ever changing? If we were stuck in a moment, like a mosquito trapped forever in a piece of amber?

In the third book of my trilogy, my main character ends up in a world where there’s always sunset. It’s a beautiful, idyllic little place. But after a while, she finds herself depressed, hating sunsets, and keeping the curtains closed because she doesn’t want to look out the window anymore. 

Would I want to be in her place, I ask myself? Most certainly not. 

As painful and uncomfortable as it is, change is something that fuels this life. Change is, at the end of the day, the only thing that makes sense. 

The question is, how do we make peace with it?

Things We Carry

People carry so much.

Our whole life, we carry something. And the older we get, the more our spines bend under the weight.

We carry bags full of shopping. School backpacks. Purses. Piles of textbooks. Suitcases. Boxes with our belongings as we move to a new place.

We carry our kids when they’re tired. We carry their backpacks, their toys, their scooters and skateboards.

We carry our pets to the vet clinic.

We carry guilt. Regrets. Nostalgic memories.

We carry self doubt. Grief. Fear. Anxiety.

We do carry our dreams too, but they are the lightest. They don’t weigh that much—so oftentimes they escape and disappear high in the sky like a balloon.

Our hands are rarely free of weight. Neither are our hearts and minds.

So sometimes we catch ourselves looking up at the birds roaming in the sky and a faint whisper of envy touches our souls. What would it be like, we wonder, to be so light and free? What would it feel like to soar among the clouds with no added weight?

And someday, we’ll find out.

Snacks for the Soul: 100 Friendly Reminders for Daily Growth and Personal Empowerment

Sometimes, we need to be reminded of things. Things that might seem obvious at first but we still tend to lose sight of them.

Wrapped up in our struggles, worries, and doubts, we forget the seemingly simple things that are, in fact, essential. 

Important reminders can come from anywhere. Learning about someone else’s experience, facing a certain obstacle in our own life, or hearing advice from a friend. It’s up to us what we do with these little lessons. We can take some time to ponder their meaning and importance, or we can gloss over them and move on with our lives–only to be reminded of those things later in a different scenario. Because the Universe never gets tired of teaching us lessons.

One thing I noticed long ago was that I possess much more ‘wisdom’ when I give advice to someone. Listening to a friend and giving my input opens my eyes to things that I have been doing wrong myself. When I feel the need to help someone I find myself knowing and understanding things I forget when I face similar struggles of my own. That’s one of the reasons why open and honest communication and sharing your feelings and emotions with someone close can be highly beneficial–even life-changing. 

And sometimes, the advice I gave to a friend comes back to me when I need it the most. Moments like that are precious. Again, the Universe works in intricate ways. 

My upcoming release, Snacks for the Soul, a book of 100 friendly reminders for daily growth and personal empowerment, is a collection of bite-size reminders that can serve as your daily guide to living a more fulfilled and joyous life. It can be your companion for those moments when you need a gentle nudge towards the light. For moments when you’re looking for inspiration, comfort, or a reminder of your inner strength.

Most of the reminders I’m sharing in this little book–in fact, all of them–are reminders I need to hear myself from time to time. It doesn’t matter how many times you hear them. What matters is the moment when they really make an impact. The moment when you are ready to connect with them, embrace them, and take action. 

So I figured that if they’re all compiled together in a short and simple-to-digest form, they will have the strongest effect. You can read it over and over. You can make notes and mark those pages that resonate the most with bookmarks/napkins/old receipts/colorful post-it-notes. You can write down your own thoughts on the pages. You can read it from the first page to the last, or just open the book on a random page when you feel like it. 

And of course, you can share it with friends and loved ones. Because when we share–when we genuinely try to help someone–we learn our own lessons. I know it works for me. Give it a try. I’m sure it’ll work for you too.

A Letter You Should Write To Yourself

Hey, you.

How have you been?

Honestly?

I know you’re probably putting up a facade. You’re strong. Of course you are. Never doubted it for a second.

But how are you doing, really?

Have you been hard on yourself again? Have you been keeping track of all your failures instead of your achievements?

Are all those unticked boxes on your to-do list keeping you up at night?

Are you still letting people’s emotions and moods get to you?

I know. Me too. 

But guess what — it’s okay. You’re not alone in this. Don’t be fooled by glamorous images. This is the raw, unaltered, behind-the-scenes reality.

What matters is, though—things can change. No, let me rephrase it. YOU can change things. You can change YOU. 

There’s only one caveat. Change needs to bring you happiness. 

You think it sounds selfish?

Not really.

Think about this: happy people don’t go around hurting other people. They’re too busy being happy. And it’s not part of their nature anyway.

When you’re genuinely happy, all you’re focused on is keeping up that vibe. Increasing the level of happiness—both IN you and AROUND you.

Everything that disrupts that vibration needs to go. So instead of bringing someone down, you’ll naturally be inclined to lift them up. 

Which means that you being happy contributes to the overall level of happiness around you—and therefore, in the world in general. 

Not all that egotistical if you think about it, right?

But the best part is, you don’t have to burden yourself with saving the world. 

You can just save yourself first.

So back to my first question—how are you? Really? Are you happy? Fulfilled? Enjoying where you are, what you are, who you are?

What’s lacking? What’s missing? What can you do to change it?

Think about it. Give yourself a generous gift of your precious time and undivided attention. Focus on you. No one else can do this for you. Nor should they. 

It’s your life. Your choices. Your responsibility—but also, your freedom. 

Go be happy. 

Much love.

Reflections, Regrets, and Resolutions

As the year comes to an end, many of us find ourselves reflecting on the year’s wins and losses, and making plans for the future.

If we find time for that, of course. 

The thing is, though, there’s always time. It’s more about finding the energy and mustering the courage to be honest with yourself. 

Of course, you don’t have to. After all, it’s just a date on the calendar, isn’t it? Nothing magically changes overnight. No matter how much we would like it to. 

Change takes time and effort. And whether the beginning of a new year is a big thing for you–or you couldn’t care less–it’s still a great time to sit down and reflect. 

The end of the year can be quite an overwhelming time. When you’re overwhelmed and stressed, when you have a million things on your mind and your to-do list, it’s easy to end up feeling lost and confused. To miss the important part. 

And by the important part I mean looking back and assessing what you have achieved. What this past year has taught you. Have you changed? Have you grown? Have you done anything you should be proud of? 

First of all, you’ve made it through this year, with all the challenges and obstacles life keeps throwing at you. It’s already a big win. It’s a massive accomplishment. 

But look deeper. Look at the details. Find a few minutes amongst the festive craziness to sit down and think. Pick up your notebook, or open your notes app on the phone. Start writing down the things you have accomplished. All of them, big and small. Don’t rush with the plans and resolutions. They’ll come later. Acknowledging what you want to change in your life is important, but it also means focusing on the things that you lack. That you “failed at” so far–in your own thinking. Start with the things that you have achieved first. You’ll be surprised. We tend to overlook these things. We take them for granted. They always come with a “but”, have you noticed? 

“Well, yes, I did publish a book this year, but only one… And I haven’t finished writing my next one.”

“Well, yes, I did make some progress in my career, but I want more. This isn’t enough.” 

“Well, yes, I did make some great memories of traveling/spending time with friends and family/reading good books/watching movies/going to concerts, but I wish I had done more. Seen more. Read more. Written more.”

I’m sure you’ll find these thoughts familiar. We always seem to focus on the things we want/need/haven’t accomplished/fear missing out on. 

Except it doesn’t help. It’s the least productive thing to do. You can’t go back in time and change things. But you can make a plan for the future. A solid, detailed plan of actions you are willing and ready to take in order to achieve those goals. 

But first, you need to acknowledge your wins. Contradictory to my favorite quote, “Don’t look back, this isn’t where you’re heading,” sometimes you need to. Sometimes, you need to look back and assess what you’ve done wrong and what you’ve done right. Doing that will help you with creating your plan for the future. 

Look at what you have achieved and learned this year. Give yourself credit. See how much effort you have put in. It’ll show you how capable you are of achieving things when you are truly determined. 

At the beginning of the year, I was terrified each time I was invited to do an author interview. I still did. But I never went back to watch them. It bothered me. So I made a decision to step out of my comfort zone. I started a podcast. Then I started a YouTube channel. Later in the year, I had an idea of making a series of videos with daily reminders. Things I myself need to be reminded of, from time to time. I spoke on podcasts. I’ve done several interviews on YouTube.


At some point, I felt deflated and discouraged. After constantly putting in a lot of time, effort, and energy, sometimes I feel like it’s not leading anywhere. I’ll be completely honest–I regularly think of giving up.

And that’s where I’m going wrong. 

Whether my words reach thousands of people, or hundreds, or only a handful–they still matter. They can still make a difference. If I can help one person today–in one way or another–it’s already worth it. 

And without a shadow of a doubt I know I have grown from this experience. I have overcome my fears. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I still don’t have thousands of subscribers–and I don’t know if I ever will–but I am proud of what I have achieved. I’m proud that I accepted my own challenge. And this is what I decide to take with me into the new year. 

I haven’t published several books, learned a new language, or climbed Everest. I haven’t saved the world. But I created several new ones in my stories. I published the last novel in my fantasy trilogy. I wrote several short stories for my upcoming collection. I started writing poems. As of today, I’ve made fifty videos with encouraging daily reminders. I went to another city to see a concert by my favorite band. I listened to music, read amazing books, made new friends on different social media platforms, watched some breathtaking sunsets at the sea, and took thousands of photos and videos. I celebrated my little son’s fourth birthday, and in a few days, I’ll be celebrating my elder son’s eighteenth.

There are so many blessings, wins, achievements, and miracles in my life that I’m feeling overwhelmed when I think about it. 

And this is a good way of feeling overwhelmed. It’s the right way. 

Please find the time to reflect and count your blessings. Please celebrate yourself, your life, and all your accomplishments this year. And then–if you do decide to make New Year resolutions–you’ll be making them not from the position of lacking something or being unhappy with your life. You’ll be looking at what other incredible things you can do in your amazing–one and only–life. 

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. And don’t forget to be proud of yourself.

Reflection

Hello, nice to meet you.

Better late than never.

I didn’t really get to know you

In four decades together.

Sorry I abandoned you,

Never put you first.

Always someone more important,

Something more pressing…

Stairs to climb.

Doors to knock.

Worlds to save.

Bridges to burn.

From thriving

To surviving.

From living

To existing.

Making choices.

Playing catch-up.

Building friendships and homes.

Losing people and trust.

All these years

You must’ve been so lonely.

Waiting to be noticed.

Begging for attention.

Let’s fix this.

You know, I was told

That it’s never too late.

So let’s start from scratch.

How are you?

Who are you?

What is it that you

Truly desire?

What makes your heart sing?

What is your highest high?

What is your lowest low?

Do you feel better after crying?

Or has it lost its power?

Do you still believe in miracles?

Or has reality won the battle?

Last but not least, I’ll ask you,

Can I please be your best friend?

I won’t let you down, I promise

I’ll right my wrongs.

This time I’ll really listen.

I’ll be there for you.

As I wait for the response,

My reflection smiles at me

From the other side of the mirror.

I’ll interpret this smile as a “Yes.

It’s about time.

Better late than never.”

LIFE IS GROWTH

If you don’t grow; if you don’t change, or learn — what’s the point? You might as well be dead.

Learn from your wins and from your failures. Learn from everything and everyone you come across.

Push your boundaries. Stretch them. Eliminate them when needed. (You know I’m talking about you and your own boundaries here, right? Not about the other people invading them.)

If you can set any goal that you really want to stick to, make it a short-term one.

Easy and simple: Don’t wake up the same person you were yesterday.

Every subtle change you achieve in constructing the new version of you is a win.

Maybe, you learned to say ‘No’ when it was necessary. Or, maybe, you managed to be a little more patient and understanding than usually. Maybe, you learned a new skill, or at least took the first step towards mastering it. All these things make you a slightly different YOU.

Defeated your fear?

Or gained a new fear that you can now work on defeating?

This all means that you’re ALIVE. You’re breathing, growing, and changing.

And that’s what life is all about.

Ever watched “Groundhog Day”? Well, there is no “groundhog day.” Even the concept of the so-called “groundhog day” is a nightmare, isn’t it? The whole idea of the movie was to show us that we can CHANGE and LEARN and GROW. And only then life starts HAPPENING.

Going through life on autopilot isn’t living.

Embrace your life. Own it. Enjoy it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Not enjoying it? Do something to change it. Anything. Can’t change the circumstances? Change yourself.

Sometimes, one small change is all it takes. To set your life in motion.

And sometimes, you’ll need to put much more effort into it.

But don’t be intimidated by the ‘Everest’ you ‘have to climb.’

Focus on each step instead.

I can moan about 50-something subscribers I have on my YouTube channel, or my content not getting seen and appreciated enough. Not enough views/likes/comments. The algorithm hates me. How depressing… right?

Wrong.

Two months ago, the idea of going on YouTube would most likely give me a panic attack.

My books are still not on the bestseller list. Bummer. That’s definitely something to be frustrated about… right?

Wrong.

Tell that to the younger version of me who dreamed of writing books but never really believed it was possible… (until she finally did).

I took that step. And another one. And then another one.

I keep taking those steps every day, no matter what.

I decided to focus on my growth this year. I’m determined — when it comes to end of 2023 — to be a VERY different person to who I was at the start of the year. Is it because I was a “not-good-enough” person? Nope. It’s because I’m ALIVE and that means I’m changing, growing, and I want to experience this life to the maximum. I want to see what I can do. Or what I can learn to do. Or at least what I can try to learn to do.

See what I’m hinting at? It’s not about the result. It’s about the process.

Your life is what you are experiencing right now. What you’re doing/trying/learning/failing/succeeding at. Now. As you live it.

And this is what you should focus on.

Not the obituary someone else will read when it’s too late for you to add or change anything.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

How often and how easily do you take steps out of your comfort zone?

I haven’t set any resolutions at the beginning of 2023, but I decided where my focus will be this year. Or my “word of the year”, as people often put it.

GROWTH

Which means constantly learning and evolving. Trying new things, welcoming new opportunities, gaining knowledge, skill, and experience. In all areas of my life. Writing, self-awareness, parenting, interacting with other humans around me.

It will most definitely involve making tons of mistakes, tripping and falling, but also getting up and giving it another try.

Because growth is painful. Growth forces us to leave our cozy comfort zone and go out there. To overcome stuff. To face our fears. To push aside our insecurities and self doubts—all that baggage we keep lugging around wherever we go. Mine’s awfully heavy, to be honest. I really need to get rid of that stuff.

So why am I telling you all this?

Because yesterday I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and started a podcast.

I’ve never tried it before and I feel terribly anxious. I want people to hear it, and I’m also terrified they will actually listen to it. I didn’t even want to share it on social media at first.

So today I’m taking another step out of my comfort zone and telling everyone about my new podcast.

It’s called Dreams, Books, and Miracles. I’ll be talking about writing and reading. Sharing parts of my writing journey and hopefully encouraging someone to embark on their own. Talking about books I enjoyed and talented authors I keep meeting in the writing community. And about how important it is to follow your dreams and overcome your fears.

https://anchor.fm/elena-carter

If you check it out, I’ll be thrilled (terrified, of course, who am I kidding, but still thrilled!) to get some feedback. Comment, or send me an email, or suggest something you’d like to hear in the future episodes — whatever you have to say means a lot to me and supports me on this journey.

And if you’re also thinking of starting something new and taking that first step out of your comfort zone—I’m rooting for you. You can do this. You’ll be so proud of yourself for giving it a try. Go ahead, open that door and step over the threshold. Good luck!