Sometimes, we need to be reminded of things. Things that might seem obvious at first but we still tend to lose sight of them.
Wrapped up in our struggles, worries, and doubts, we forget the seemingly simple things that are, in fact, essential.
Important reminders can come from anywhere. Learning about someone else’s experience, facing a certain obstacle in our own life, or hearing advice from a friend. It’s up to us what we do with these little lessons. We can take some time to ponder their meaning and importance, or we can gloss over them and move on with our lives–only to be reminded of those things later in a different scenario. Because the Universe never gets tired of teaching us lessons.
One thing I noticed long ago was that I possess much more ‘wisdom’ when I give advice to someone. Listening to a friend and giving my input opens my eyes to things that I have been doing wrong myself. When I feel the need to help someone I find myself knowing and understanding things I forget when I face similar struggles of my own. That’s one of the reasons why open and honest communication and sharing your feelings and emotions with someone close can be highly beneficial–even life-changing.
And sometimes, the advice I gave to a friend comes back to me when I need it the most. Moments like that are precious. Again, the Universe works in intricate ways.
My upcoming release, Snacks for the Soul, a book of 100 friendly reminders for daily growth and personal empowerment, is a collection of bite-size reminders that can serve as your daily guide to living a more fulfilled and joyous life. It can be your companion for those moments when you need a gentle nudge towards the light. For moments when you’re looking for inspiration, comfort, or a reminder of your inner strength.
Most of the reminders I’m sharing in this little book–in fact, all of them–are reminders I need to hear myself from time to time. It doesn’t matter how many times you hear them. What matters is the moment when they really make an impact. The moment when you are ready to connect with them, embrace them, and take action.
So I figured that if they’re all compiled together in a short and simple-to-digest form, they will have the strongest effect. You can read it over and over. You can make notes and mark those pages that resonate the most with bookmarks/napkins/old receipts/colorful post-it-notes. You can write down your own thoughts on the pages. You can read it from the first page to the last, or just open the book on a random page when you feel like it.
And of course, you can share it with friends and loved ones. Because when we share–when we genuinely try to help someone–we learn our own lessons. I know it works for me. Give it a try. I’m sure it’ll work for you too.
I know you’re probably putting up a facade. You’re strong. Of course you are. Never doubted it for a second.
But how are you doing, really?
Have you been hard on yourself again? Have you been keeping track of all your failures instead of your achievements?
Are all those unticked boxes on your to-do list keeping you up at night?
Are you still letting people’s emotions and moods get to you?
I know. Me too.
But guess what — it’s okay. You’re not alone in this. Don’t be fooled by glamorous images. This is the raw, unaltered, behind-the-scenes reality.
What matters is, though—things can change. No, let me rephrase it. YOU can change things. You can change YOU.
There’s only one caveat. Change needs to bring you happiness.
You think it sounds selfish?
Not really.
Think about this: happy people don’t go around hurting other people. They’re too busy being happy. And it’s not part of their nature anyway.
When you’re genuinely happy, all you’re focused on is keeping up that vibe. Increasing the level of happiness—both IN you and AROUND you.
Everything that disrupts that vibration needs to go. So instead of bringing someone down, you’ll naturally be inclined to lift them up.
Which means that you being happy contributes to the overall level of happiness around you—and therefore, in the world in general.
Not all that egotistical if you think about it, right?
But the best part is, you don’t have to burden yourself with saving the world.
You can just save yourself first.
So back to my first question—how are you? Really? Are you happy? Fulfilled? Enjoying where you are, what you are, who you are?
What’s lacking? What’s missing? What can you do to change it?
Think about it. Give yourself a generous gift of your precious time and undivided attention. Focus on you. No one else can do this for you. Nor should they.
It’s your life. Your choices. Your responsibility—but also, your freedom.
As the year comes to an end, many of us find ourselves reflecting on the year’s wins and losses, and making plans for the future.
If we find time for that, of course.
The thing is, though, there’s always time. It’s more about finding the energy and mustering the courage to be honest with yourself.
Of course, you don’t have to. After all, it’s just a date on the calendar, isn’t it? Nothing magically changes overnight. No matter how much we would like it to.
Change takes time and effort. And whether the beginning of a new year is a big thing for you–or you couldn’t care less–it’s still a great time to sit down and reflect.
The end of the year can be quite an overwhelming time. When you’re overwhelmed and stressed, when you have a million things on your mind and your to-do list, it’s easy to end up feeling lost and confused. To miss the important part.
And by the important part I mean looking back and assessing what you have achieved. What this past year has taught you. Have you changed? Have you grown? Have you done anything you should be proud of?
First of all, you’ve made it through this year, with all the challenges and obstacles life keeps throwing at you. It’s already a big win. It’s a massive accomplishment.
But look deeper. Look at the details. Find a few minutes amongst the festive craziness to sit down and think. Pick up your notebook, or open your notes app on the phone. Start writing down the things you have accomplished. All of them, big and small. Don’t rush with the plans and resolutions. They’ll come later. Acknowledging what you want to change in your life is important, but it also means focusing on the things that you lack. That you “failed at” so far–in your own thinking. Start with the things that you have achieved first. You’ll be surprised. We tend to overlook these things. We take them for granted. They always come with a “but”, have you noticed?
“Well, yes, I did publish a book this year, but only one… And I haven’t finished writing my next one.”
“Well, yes, I did make some progress in my career, but I want more. This isn’t enough.”
“Well, yes, I did make some great memories of traveling/spending time with friends and family/reading good books/watching movies/going to concerts, but I wish I had done more. Seen more. Read more. Written more.”
I’m sure you’ll find these thoughts familiar. We always seem to focus on the things we want/need/haven’t accomplished/fear missing out on.
Except it doesn’t help. It’s the least productive thing to do. You can’t go back in time and change things. But you can make a plan for the future. A solid, detailed plan of actions you are willing and ready to take in order to achieve those goals.
But first, you need to acknowledge your wins. Contradictory to my favorite quote, “Don’t look back, this isn’t where you’re heading,” sometimes you need to. Sometimes, you need to look back and assess what you’ve done wrong and what you’ve done right. Doing that will help you with creating your plan for the future.
Look at what you have achieved and learned this year. Give yourself credit. See how much effort you have put in. It’ll show you how capable you are of achieving things when you are truly determined.
At the beginning of the year, I was terrified each time I was invited to do an author interview. I still did. But I never went back to watch them. It bothered me. So I made a decision to step out of my comfort zone. I started a podcast. Then I started a YouTube channel. Later in the year, I had an idea of making a series of videos with daily reminders. Things I myself need to be reminded of, from time to time. I spoke on podcasts. I’ve done several interviews on YouTube.
At some point, I felt deflated and discouraged. After constantly putting in a lot of time, effort, and energy, sometimes I feel like it’s not leading anywhere. I’ll be completely honest–I regularly think of giving up.
And that’s where I’m going wrong.
Whether my words reach thousands of people, or hundreds, or only a handful–they still matter. They can still make a difference. If I can help one person today–in one way or another–it’s already worth it.
And without a shadow of a doubt I know I have grown from this experience. I have overcome my fears. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I still don’t have thousands of subscribers–and I don’t know if I ever will–but I am proud of what I have achieved. I’m proud that I accepted my own challenge. And this is what I decide to take with me into the new year.
I haven’t published several books, learned a new language, or climbed Everest. I haven’t saved the world. But I created several new ones in my stories. I published the last novel in my fantasy trilogy. I wrote several short stories for my upcoming collection. I started writing poems. As of today, I’ve made fifty videos with encouraging daily reminders. I went to another city to see a concert by my favorite band. I listened to music, read amazing books, made new friends on different social media platforms, watched some breathtaking sunsets at the sea, and took thousands of photos and videos. I celebrated my little son’s fourth birthday, and in a few days, I’ll be celebrating my elder son’s eighteenth.
There are so many blessings, wins, achievements, and miracles in my life that I’m feeling overwhelmed when I think about it.
And this is a good way of feeling overwhelmed. It’s the right way.
Please find the time to reflect and count your blessings. Please celebrate yourself, your life, and all your accomplishments this year. And then–if you do decide to make New Year resolutions–you’ll be making them not from the position of lacking something or being unhappy with your life. You’ll be looking at what other incredible things you can do in your amazing–one and only–life.
Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. And don’t forget to be proud of yourself.
If you don’t grow; if you don’t change, or learn — what’s the point? You might as well be dead.
Learn from your wins and from your failures. Learn from everything and everyone you come across.
Push your boundaries. Stretch them. Eliminate them when needed. (You know I’m talking about you and your own boundaries here, right? Not about the other people invading them.)
If you can set any goal that you really want to stick to, make it a short-term one.
Easy and simple: Don’t wake up the same person you were yesterday.
Every subtle change you achieve in constructing the new version of you is a win.
Maybe, you learned to say ‘No’ when it was necessary. Or, maybe, you managed to be a little more patient and understanding than usually. Maybe, you learned a new skill, or at least took the first step towards mastering it. All these things make you a slightly different YOU.
Defeated your fear?
Or gained a new fear that you can now work on defeating?
This all means that you’re ALIVE. You’re breathing, growing, and changing.
And that’s what life is all about.
Ever watched “Groundhog Day”? Well, there is no “groundhog day.” Even the concept of the so-called “groundhog day” is a nightmare, isn’t it? The whole idea of the movie was to show us that we can CHANGE and LEARN and GROW. And only then life starts HAPPENING.
Going through life on autopilot isn’t living.
Embrace your life. Own it. Enjoy it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Not enjoying it? Do something to change it. Anything. Can’t change the circumstances? Change yourself.
Sometimes, one small change is all it takes. To set your life in motion.
And sometimes, you’ll need to put much more effort into it.
But don’t be intimidated by the ‘Everest’ you ‘have to climb.’
Focus on each step instead.
I can moan about 50-something subscribers I have on my YouTube channel, or my content not getting seen and appreciated enough. Not enough views/likes/comments. The algorithm hates me. How depressing… right?
Wrong.
Two months ago, the idea of going on YouTube would most likely give me a panic attack.
My books are still not on the bestseller list. Bummer. That’s definitely something to be frustrated about… right?
Wrong.
Tell that to the younger version of me who dreamed of writing books but never really believed it was possible… (until she finally did).
I took that step. And another one. And then another one.
I keep taking those steps every day, no matter what.
I decided to focus on my growth this year. I’m determined — when it comes to end of 2023 — to be a VERY different person to who I was at the start of the year. Is it because I was a “not-good-enough” person? Nope. It’s because I’m ALIVE and that means I’m changing, growing, and I want to experience this life to the maximum. I want to see what I can do. Or what I can learn to do. Or at least what I can try to learn to do.
See what I’m hinting at? It’s not about the result. It’s about the process.
Your life is what you are experiencing right now. What you’re doing/trying/learning/failing/succeeding at. Now. As you live it.
And this is what you should focus on.
Not the obituary someone else will read when it’s too late for you to add or change anything.
B. S. H. Garcia releases her debut novel, Of Thieves And Shadows, on June 1, 2023. It’s the first installment of The Heart Of Quinaria, an epic fantasy series.
I was among the lucky ARC readers who got to read this gem of a book before it’s released. To say I was impressed would be a huge understatement. And I’m beyond thrilled to have this opportunity to chat to this incredibly talented author about her books and her writing journey.
This is the best part of being in the writing community, by the way — meeting amazing people and having a chance to connect with them and talk to them about their stories, their fascinating worlds and characters, their dreams, and their writing life. Peeking into the magic of storytelling, essentially.
So I’d like to express my gratitude to B. S. H. Garcia for taking her time to answer my questions and revealing some of her secrets.
Let’s start!
Could you tell us a little bit about yourself, please?
Sure thing! I currently live in the PNW—Bend, OR, to be specific—though I’ll be returning to Colorado’s mountains within the year. So far, I’ve been 88% successful at keeping two tiny humans, two cats, and a smol doge alive, so I guess I’ve got that going for me. I like mead, movies, and mountains. Somewhat of a cosplay fanatic, thanks to my talented husbean (no, that’s not a typo). Books are life, obviously. I’ve only published fantasy, but I do intend to delve into sci-fi and horror down the road. If I’m not nerding out or lost in the woods during my once-a-month free time slot, I’m probably staring at the same page for an hour straight, debating if that’s a good place to indent a new paragraph.
Books are life. Couldn’t agree more!
How and when did your writing journey start? What is the thing you enjoy most about writing?
I failed at music and acting and moved on to the next best thing.
Just kidding.
I mean, the above are true. I had a stint in Hollywood and landed a stellar calculator commercial—don’t you dare look it up. Some of the small roles were fun, and so was theater, but the pressure proved to be too much for nineteen-year-old me. Walking into a room and being told no before you even start your lines is sobering.
After completing an English degree and deciding I did NOT have the patience to teach, I looked for other ways to utilize both my degree and my renewed interest in creating. I’d written off an on my whole life, including many short stories, but I didn’t sit down to crack out my first novel until 2018. It came surprisingly easy to me, but that’s probably because the story had already been kicking around in my mind for nearly a decade at that point. I had a recurring vision of a scene—what is now my last chapter of OTAS—and I had to get it out.
Coming back to the original question, storytelling is what got me into writing. I’d been making up and orchestrating stories in various mediums since I was a little kid, and writing soon followed. But I wasn’t one of those people who always wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a creator, a storyteller. And I guess I’ve always been.
As far as what I enjoy most about it, that’s a bit harder to nail down. For one, it’s my primary form of creative self-expression. It’s also a way for me to process life and my place in it. What I didn’t initially expect and have come to enjoy, however, is the way writing connects me to people. I’m introverted and struggle to begin relationships, especially in my adult life. Writing allows me to be my most vulnerable self in ways I can’t in-person or through spoken word. Having someone reach out to you and let you know how much your story means to them is one of the best feelings out there. It’s this unspoken kinship between the author and the reader. And now it’s my favorite thing.
I know that feeling. It’s absolutely amazing! To me, that’s the best part of writing. And what’s the most rewarding part of being a writer for you? Also, what’s the most challenging part?
Again, having readers reach out to me is probably the most rewarding thing. I haven’t even released yet, but the handful of advanced reviewers who’ve gone out of their way to let me know they’ve enjoyed my writing means the world. I don’t think they realize just how much their positive feedback can affect a writer and help them keep going when the road gets tough.
On that same note, one of the most challenging things can be juggling negative or even critical feedback. Once the book is out of beta stages and ready for publishing, you can’t do much with negative responses besides take notes for future projects. I’m someone who could keep perfecting a story forever, so I’d say that just accepting something is as good as it’s going to get is hard for me. But I’m getting better at letting go, and hopefully I can learn to accept negative reviews without absorbing them or letting them drown out all the positive ones.
Oh, yes, I can definitely relate to that. The struggle with perfectionism is never-ending in my case.
Why did you choose to self-publish your books?
I think for a lot of indie authors, it’s about creative control. We want to decide which version of our story goes out, who edits it, have input on the cover, the release date, etc. I did query for a while and ultimately received an offer from a small press, but I turned them down after careful consideration. Aside from the creative control aspect, I didn’t feel comfortable signing over my rights. Unless you get a six-figure deal with a Big 5 press, I (personally) don’t believe they make you a priority, and so few authors even earn out their initial advances. I decided I was the best champion for my book. I wanted to be able to write all the stories in my series, guaranteed, the way I want, on the schedule I want, and hire the best cover designers and editors. I will admit that it’s been a learning curve. Some days I want to scream, trying to juggle it all. But the truth is the thing that frustrates me most is marketing, and that’s something I’d have to do even if I was trad published. It’s just part of being a creator in our world today. So far, I have no regrets about my decision, and I’m excited to see where my journey takes me.
There’s a lot to juggle. Trust me, I’m right there with you, screaming. And at the same time, it is the most exciting journey ever. It’s most definitely worth it!
Please tell us about your books! How did you come up with the idea of the fascinating world of Quinaria? How long did it take you to write your first book?
I briefly touched on this a few questions ago, but the whole idea began with a daydream. Ever since I was a child, I’ve played out stories and built characters in my head. As I grew and left toys behind, my initial vessels, I began to visualize characters in my mind instead. I’d often have my most vivid ideas occur on jogs or hikes. Something about my body moving allows my mind to free itself up. So, the idea for the story began by visualizing my MC, Elaysia, at a pivotal point in her life. It didn’t stand out to me at the time; it was something I did with many characters often. But she was one of the ones who never left. I continued on with my acting career, quit that, started a new career, got married, completed a college degree–all without writing my story. But when college ended and created a gap in my once homework-filled evenings, I decided to replace with something for me. Thus, Quinaria was born. I spent a solid month world-building every night and weekend, and it only took me two months after that to write a 120k story. It seems so crazy to me now, five years later, that it just poured out of me like that. Of course, I was in a different place with no kids and a mostly chill job. Then, between several moves, job changes, pregnancies, and births, editing was off and one for years after that. I wanted to give up so many times, and I actually tried to. I’d set my story aside for months and say, “this isn’t going to work for me,” or, “other people, better people, write.” But my characters never left me alone. So, it’s their fault I’m here today.
As far as the ideas for the world-building itself, a lot of that came from a place of selfishness. There were elements I rarely came across in reading that I desperately wanted in my story, and that led me down rabbit holes of research, which (I hope) translate into quite a unique and believable world. And while the initial world-building set the cornerstones of my first draft, I continued to expand upon that over the following years. In fact, I still do today. Every time I draft a new bit, I get a little deeper into my world. You don’t even want to see all my word docs, post-it notes, journal entries, and Pinterest boards. It’s a chaotic nightmare of world-building vomit. Ha.
Well, the mind-blowing level of world-building in your book definitely shows how much work you put into it! Also, I loved the characters! Who are your favorite characters? Anyone you can personally relate to, or maybe someone you have a lot in common with?
My characters are like my babies, and like a good mom, I love them all equally. At least, I’m supposed to say that, right? They all have a bit of me, which can’t be helped, I suppose. And I have so, so many. Epic fantasy club. I’m obviously partial to my POV characters. I’ve spent the most time in their skin. But there are plenty of secondary characters I can’t imagine the story without. See how I’m still not answering the question? If I had to choose, Zavik has a special place in my heart. He’s my little cinnamon roll. But the story wouldn’t exist without Elaysia. So, maybe them. I probably relate to them the most, too.
I love this. He is a cinnamon roll! And one of my favorite characters.
If you had a chance, would you like to live in the world you created?
This is a tough one. It would depend on when in my world’s timeline. Far enough back and in the right place? Sure! Where OTAS kicks off? I’m not sure I’d feel safe anywhere for long.
True. Not the safest place. On the other hand, neither is our real world these days…
As far as I know, you are currently working on book two. When can we expect it?
You are correct! Unfortunately, drafting has been sidelined while I prepared for launch, but I do plan to dive back in hardcore as soon as OTAS is out in the wild. Book two will (fingers crossed) release about a year from now. Given the scope of my stories and the limited time I have to write, I can’t commit to more than a book a year at this point. I am, however, hoping to release novelettes or short stories in between each main series installment, so you will have those to look forward to.
Given your circumstances I’d say it’s incredible you can do a book a year! But I must admit, I can’t wait. I miss the characters and have to know what happens next!
As a reader, what is your favorite genre, and what are some of your favorite books?
I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say fantasy, right? Lucky for me, that’s true! I enjoy just about everything under the speculative umbrella, though, sci-fi and horror included. I also have a soft spot for classics, some historical fiction, and I actually love a good non-fiction, most often in the science, writing, or history categories. I really cannot begin to choose my favorite books. There are far too many. I can tell you that I’ve recently been reading some solid indie books (yours included!), and I’m turning to graphic novels when I need a breather in between large books.
Thank you, it means a lot to me. I also read (and aspire to write) multiple genres.
What advice would you give to aspiring authors?
Find a writing community or build one. This has been the single most important factor in my success and the only reason I’ve made it this far. Writing is solitary, the act itself, but the stress surrounding it doesn’t have to be. I don’t know what I would have done without all my writer friends. Their support, insight, and advice have made this dream a reality. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go it alone. Find your people.
Amen to that! I keep saying that it doesn’t have to be a lonely journey. And the support from the writing community is something I will forever be grateful for.
Last but not least… what’s your idea of a perfect writer’s day?
My dream day has yet to happen, but I imagine it would go something like this: I’d wake up in a cabin in the woods/mountains. Alone. Just me and nature. I’d stretch, brew some coffee, and go for a walk/hike. I’d return and write for a few hours, then break for lunch/snacks and some yoga. Write some more. Read. Read and write. Write and read. Go on another walk. Drink some wine. Read, write, self-care, repeat. This a dream scenario to me because I so rarely have time to myself like this. I may not even get that much writing done, but damn, it would be good for my soul.
I think you just described my perfect writing day. At least we can dream, right?
Well, this was an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for your time! I’m your number one fan, waiting impatiently for the sequel. Meanwhile, I’m wishing you all the success with your upcoming release!
Dear readers, I hope you enjoyed this interview. You can find B. S. H. Garcia here:
Sign up to her newsletter so that you don’t miss any important news!
And let’s once again take a look at this masterpiece:
Of Thieves And Shadows releases on June 1, 2023. You can preorder your copy now, and if you sign up to the author’s newsletter, you’ll also get a free prequel to this story, From The Ashes. It’s a beautifully written novelette that could be read as a standalone or as part of the series.
How often and how easily do you take steps out of your comfort zone?
I haven’t set any resolutions at the beginning of 2023, but I decided where my focus will be this year. Or my “word of the year”, as people often put it.
GROWTH
Which means constantly learning and evolving. Trying new things, welcoming new opportunities, gaining knowledge, skill, and experience. In all areas of my life. Writing, self-awareness, parenting, interacting with other humans around me.
It will most definitely involve making tons of mistakes, tripping and falling, but also getting up and giving it another try.
Because growth is painful. Growth forces us to leave our cozy comfort zone and go out there. To overcome stuff. To face our fears. To push aside our insecurities and self doubts—all that baggage we keep lugging around wherever we go. Mine’s awfully heavy, to be honest. I really need to get rid of that stuff.
So why am I telling you all this?
Because yesterday I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and started a podcast.
I’ve never tried it before and I feel terribly anxious. I want people to hear it, and I’m also terrified they will actually listen to it. I didn’t even want to share it on social media at first.
So today I’m taking another step out of my comfort zone and telling everyone about my new podcast.
It’s called Dreams, Books, and Miracles. I’ll be talking about writing and reading. Sharing parts of my writing journey and hopefully encouraging someone to embark on their own. Talking about books I enjoyed and talented authors I keep meeting in the writing community. And about how important it is to follow your dreams and overcome your fears.
If you check it out, I’ll be thrilled (terrified, of course, who am I kidding, but still thrilled!) to get some feedback. Comment, or send me an email, or suggest something you’d like to hear in the future episodes — whatever you have to say means a lot to me and supports me on this journey.
And if you’re also thinking of starting something new and taking that first step out of your comfort zone—I’m rooting for you. You can do this. You’ll be so proud of yourself for giving it a try. Go ahead, open that door and step over the threshold. Good luck!
There are many reasons. I’ve always wanted to write, and when I finally started, it felt so right that I almost regretted missing all those years. I’m saying ‘almost’ because I don’t really regret anything. The way my life went, the things I had to go through, and the lessons I learned, all of this has shaped me into the person I am today. And this is the person who is finally ready to tell stories.
Going back to the reasons for writing—there are plenty. But here’s one of the most important ones I want to focus on today.
I have two sons.
I have a teenager who thinks he’s got life figured out.
And I have a toddler who is only beginning to learn what this world is all about. And when he is the same age as his big brother is now, he’ll probably think the same.
It’s okay. They are learning. And I’m learning with them.
But I’m also teaching them something too.
I’m teaching them that it’s okay to follow your dreams. No… wrong wording. Following your dreams is the right way to go. It’s in fact the only way to go if you want to find yourself. And to stay true to yourself.
I’m teaching them that following your dreams can be hard. And scary. But it’s not a reason to give up.
I’m teaching them that it’s never too late to start.
My teenage son is reading my book now. It’s not his preferred genre. And there’s a great chance he won’t like it. But every time he picks it up, he’s holding physical proof of the fact that anything is possible. That it’s possible to start writing when you’re 40 years old, when you are raising a baby, when you hardly have any time or energy, but counteract it with enough stubbornness to type on your phone in the middle of the night. To type words in the language that is foreign to you.
So maybe he’ll feel more hopeful.
He learns that if you don’t know how to do something, it’s possible to research and learn. For example, you can learn all you need to know about self-publishing your book. And while doing that, you can meet so many people on that journey. You can also genuinely connect with those people from all parts of the world. You can read their stories, support them, learn from them, and call them your friends.
So maybe he’ll feel less lonely.
He learns that you can pour your heart out on the paper (or screen), wrapping it gently in words, linking those words together and making phrases, using those phrases to build stories. Stories based on your thoughts, your feelings, your imagination, your dreams, your joy, and your pain.
So maybe he’ll learn to open his heart.
And as for my little one, he is really obsessed with my book cover. Every time he sees my book, he needs to hold it. Well, I can’t blame him, the cover is absolutely stunning. But seriously, do you know why I think he’s drawn to it? Because he can feel what it means to his mom. He can feel what I invested in that book. And I’m not talking about the financial investment here, of course. He can feel the energy coming from a dream that came true. It’s pretty much like magic.
He’ll grow up and I’ll have many more books published. But I will tell him where it all started. How I decided to follow my dream when he was a little baby. How the chapters of that very first book were created while he was sleeping in my arms.
I’ll tell him this story and then I’ll say, “You see, son, anything is possible if you really want it. You need to be brave enough to start, and then you just keep going no matter how hard it gets. Don’t give up, don’t turn back, believe in yourself, and you’ll get there.”
These are the things I want to teach my kids. And what better way is there to teach than through leading by example?
Today I would like to introduce Julie Embleton to you. Julie is a new adult fantasy author. She is also famous in the writing community for her extensive support to indie authors. And on top of all that, she’s just an amazing person who kindly agreed to answer some of my questions today.
Let’s dive in.
Hey, Julie! Thanks again for finding the time to do this. Could you tell us a little bit about yourself, please?
I’m an Irish lass, and I live right beside the Irish Sea in north County Dublin. I lived abroad for many years, but always missed Ireland—yes, even the weather.
I write paranormal fantasy for the New Adult genre, so readers will find vampires, werewolves, witches and all sort of other paranormal folk in my tales. I’ve also written short stories for two fairytale retelling anthologies.
When not crafting stories from the voices in my head, you’ll find me with my tarot cards. I’ve been working as a professional tarot reader for the last six years and will soon be launching my brand new tarot website: www.creativesoultarot.com. The occult fascinates me, and I’m looking forward to sharing this passion through my blog, while continuing to offer guidance with tarot.
My career background has hotel management and HR, but I’ve just been made redundant after eighteen years with the same company, and am now taking the next year to work for myself as both an author and tarot reader, so exciting times ahead!
I’m a mum to a sassy teenager, and slave to two crazy cats.
I just love it how you described the essence of the human-feline relationships! Have you always wanted to become a writer? Or were there any other dreams?
I never dreamed of being an author. I loved books as a kid and was an avid reader, but the idea of writing didn’t kick in until I was a teenager and we studied creative writing in school. From then on I wrote dozens of stories, but they were always just for me.
As a kid, I wanted to be a nurse, but after a stay in hospital, I realised it involved dealing with puke, so I dropped that idea like a hot potato. I then fell in love with art, and soon settled on becoming a graphic designer which I now hold a degree in, but shame on me, I never followed it as a career. I fell into Hotel Management, then HR, but along the way, carried on scribbling my stories until I decided to brave independent publishing in 2013. I’m due to publish my eighth book in September 2021.
Oh, wow, this is amazing! Eighth book! Congratulations! What is the thing you enjoy most about writing?
The escapism. It’s daydreaming on a grand scale, and I get paid for it too! For me, there’s nothing more addictive than the creative flow where plots, characters and dialogue pour onto the page. When I’m in that zone, reality fades into the background. Time stops too. That in-between place makes me feel like I’m living in a different dimension and sometimes it’s hard to come back to reality.
I know what you mean. Love that feeling! What, in your opinion, is the hardest part of being a writer?
The marketing. I think for the most part that authors are an introverted lot, so putting ourselves out there and shouting for attention is as unpleasant as a hot needle to the eyeball. The self-publishing industry has changed so much since I first began, and keeping on top of trends, skills and technology is a full time job in itself. Over the next year I’m planning deep dives into Amazon ads and other marketing tools. A lot of my fellow authors are as mystified about these strategies as I am, so I’m hoping to blog about my findings!
Amazon ads. 🙈 Still dreading the thought of diving into that. I’ll be looking forward to reading about your experience! But back to your writing — please tell us more about your book series!
The Voyager Chronicles series is a trilogy that flips between the modern and medieval, with realm-hopping, sorcery shenanigans, despicable villains, gutsy heroes and heroines, and a sprinkle of romance.
In order, the titles are: The Dawning, The Veiling, The Claiming.
The Turning Moon series is centred around two werewolf packs and the paranormal threats they face from demons, fellow werewolves and even vampires. While my books are not classed as romance, there’s always romantic suspense within the plot, as I love a good happy ever after and can’t resist playing matchmaker with my characters. My next release, Torn, is book four of the Turning Moon, and book five is already under way! In order, the titles are: Bound, Released, Haunted, Torn (due September 2021)
Congrats again on the upcoming release! The series sound absolutely awesome! Here’s another thing I wanted to ask you: you are known in the Instagram writing community for the support you provide to indie authors. Can you tell us a bit more about that? When and why did you decide to start doing it? How did the famous #selfpromotesunday come into existence?
Following a conversation with a fellow author who worried she was being pushy when she self-promoted, (there’s that pesky fear of marketing again) I started the tag so indie authors could come together to share their work, with the emphasis on their post being a shameless self-promote. With a dedicated weekly tag, I wanted to give authors the opportunity to shout about their work, but also have a place to meet new friends, offer support and encouragement, ask for advice, and of course, add even more titles to heaving To Be Read piles. I didn’t think it would become as popular as it is. Even now, I get authors messaging me to say it’s the only time they promote and feel like they have the ‘right’ to because they’re using the tag. I’ve met dozens of my author friends through #selfpromotesunday and have discovered some of my favourite indie books through it too. When I first started, there were only two posts that had ever used the tag, now there are over 5000! As the host, I do my best to comment on every post, and I also share many posts on my stories, just to spread the bookish goodness even farther.
5000 posts! Julie, this is incredible! Thank you again for everything you do for indie authors! I remember that your account was blocked by Instagram, and you had to start from scratch again. That was so amazing! Not the fact that you lost your account, of course. You know what I mean. 😅 My sincere admiration to you! Why do you think it happened? Any advice on how to prevent it? Where did you find the strength and patience to do it all over again? By the way, you’re an absolute star! ⭐️
Ah, Instagram. The platform I love to hate. In January of 2021 I did unfortunately get locked out of my @julie_embleton account. Two years before then, I had downloaded a follow/unfollow app which I used a few times, found useless and forgot all about. I came across a warning on another platform about Instagram cracking down on accounts using third party apps like Later, Repost, Follow/Unfollow apps etc, and as I never used the follow app, I decided to delete it. I opened the app to see what steps I needed to take before deleting it, but because I hadn’t used it in so long, and had gained almost 2.3k followers since I’d last opened it, my guess is that it connected to Instagram and they flagged it as a phising attempt. Now when I try to log in to my old account I’m told I need to request a security code to prove it’s me accessing my account. I’ve requested it over and over since January, but the email never arrives (even though they can still email the same address with reminders of what I’ve missed since I last logged on to the account. Go figure, eh?)
From what I’ve heard, I’ll never get the account back which is disappointing. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s been tough starting from scratch all over again. I had almost 2.5k followers, but thankfully, within days of opening my new account, @julieembletonauthor lots of my Instagram friends immediately followed so I wasn’t left in the wilderness. I still use Later and Repost with my new account, but will definitely stay away from the follow/unfollow apps. I’d encourage users to do research into any apps that link to Instagram. I know lots of people who’ve been locked out and all are still out in the cold like me with years of work lost. There’s no direct customer service in Instagram, so pleas and request for help fall on deaf ears. I now have an account on MeWe and Vero, but Instagram is my main platform, even though I’d punch it in the throat if I could.
Oh, goodness, I’m glad that I have no idea how to use those apps – I guess it’s safer this way. 😅 And yes, if I were you, I’d definitely want to punch it in the throat too. 🙈 Here’s another question. Considering how much kindness and support you’re giving out to others, I really hope you’re getting it back too! Are you?
Yes, most definitely, but I don’t keep score! When I get excited about a book, I have to shout about it, it’s as simple as that. And I really enjoy sharing the Self Promote Sunday posts because I know for some authors, it’s not easy to put themselves out there, so a share here and there is simply spreading the love.
What advice would you give to aspiring authors?
Read, write, read, write, read, write. The more you read, the more technical skill you’ll develop and employ. The more your write, the stronger your unique voice will become.
Dream big, believe in yourself, and don’t let anyone talk you down.
I think finding your tribe is vital, too. When you gather with people who are on your wavelength and aspiring for similar goals, there’s no ladder with ‘top and bottom’ achievers, it’s just everyone walking hand in hand, helping each other along the way. Your tribe are also the people who’ll nudge you out of your comfort zone and help you take bigger, braver steps that you mightn’t have taken on your own. But most importantly, they’re the people who’ll champion you and be there for your wins and fails!
Thank you for the brilliant advice, Julie! I couldn’t agree more about the importance of finding your tribe. I’m forever grateful for all the support I have received (and keep receiving) from the writing community. And I try to do my best to pay it forward. Once again, thank you for everything and I’m wishing you tremendous success in everything you do!
I got a two-star review on Goodreads. It didn’t have any text attached to it. So I don’t know what exactly the person who read my book (I do hope that they actually read the book) didn’t like about it, or what they found wrong with it.
It felt strange. It didn’t really upset me, but still, it stung a little. So I decided to reflect on my thoughts and feelings about it. I mean, I know that it’s not about me personally. It’s about my book, and it’s about that person and their opinion, which they are totally entitled to have.
But still, at some point I found myself feeling a little bit deflated and discouraged. You know, we all have those days, we all have those ups and downs. One day you feel like you’re on top of the world, and the next day you feel like you’re a complete failure. Or the imposter syndrome kicks in and it’s nagging you, saying ”Well, what did you expect? Did you think you were a good writer? And that everybody was going to read and like your book?” I’m sure many of you recognize that nasty little voice that lives inside your head.
So I was thinking about it, and analyzing my feelings, and trying to see what I’m doing wrong and what lesson I can learn from it.
And here’s what I came up with:
First of all, the only person that needs to truly believe in you and your writing (or whatever it is that you’re passionate about) is yourself. It’s great if you have a supportive environment. It’s awesome if your friends and family are there for you and they believe in you, no matter what. Or if you have an amazing streat team on Instagram, and you know that people are rooting for you all the time.
But you have to be absolutely sure that if all that is taken away from you — for any reason whatsoever — there will always be one person left on your side. YOU.
If tomorrow you wake up, and the world suddenly hates you. And people are like, “We just don’t like you anymore, and we don’t believe in you anymore. And we don’t want to read your stories anymore, and we don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Even if that extremely unpleasant scenario happens to you – you still need to be there for yourself. You have to not let anyone or anything bring you down or stop you from believing in yourself.
Second, people are different. They all have their own agenda. They have their good days and bad days. They have their moods.
People have things, other people, and circumstances that influence their every thought, their every word, and every decision. They’re not in control of it most of the time (or they choose not to be, but that’s another topic altogether.)
Let’s admit it, more often than we want to, we find ourselves not in control of our own lives. So how would you control anyone else, right?
What I’m talking about here is that you cannot influence other people, you cannot influence their opinion, you cannot influence/change/predict the next thing that they’re going to say or do, whether it’s concerning you, or anyone else, or anything else.
You can’t do anything about it. So let it go.
I’m a control freak myself, and I know too well how hard it is, but seriously, just LET IT GO. You cannot do anything about it. When you accept it, things will become much easier.
We’re all seeking approval and validation, whether we admit it or not. We all like to be praised. And valued. And liked. Even loved.
There’s nothing wrong with it, really. It’s a very natural thing. Problems start when it becomes a need, a priority, something you can’t function without.
And most of us fall into that trap more often than we would like to.
Because when we start depending on validation and approval from others – we’re trapped. Eventually, it will make us lose our real goal and forget our main destination. It will seem like we’re moving ahead, while in reality we’re just running out of breath on an invisible treadmill.
I saw a review on Goodreads recently from a fellow author Nicole Adair. She reviewed her own book, “A Tangle of Dreams.” She wrote, “I’m writing this review because the opinion that matters most to me is my own. It hasn’t always been this way, but that’s the way I’d like it to be from now on.”
There is so much power and so much wisdom in this. I keep repeating to myself, “That’s the way I’d like it to be from now on.”
Try this approach. I most definitely will.
Become your own number one fan. Your own supporter. If others offer you their approval and support, accept it with gratitude, but don’t make it a necessary condition for your success.
After all, nobody knows you better than you do. Nobody understands you better than you do. Everything else and everyone else is beyond your control.
We all have our own definition of success. We have different goals, we have different dreams and choose our own paths to follow them.
For someone, being successful is getting a new job or building the career of their dreams. For others, it’s buying a house. Or becoming a bestselling author. Or even publishing just one book, sharing that one and only story with the world.
But there is a number of obstacles on the way to success that will be common for any field or sphere you’re striving to conquer.
Being an author, I’m mostly talking about things that can prevent writers from reaching the desired level of success on their writing and publishing journey, but I’m sure that you’ll find them applicable in your particular case too.
1. “If it ain’t perfect, it ain’t worth it.”
Your enemy #1 is Perfectionism. Suffering from this disease myself, I really know what I’m talking about.
Let’s imagine that somewhere, in a parallel universe, there is a cemetery of unborn projects. Different creative projects that could have become books, songs, movies, paintings, sculptures, or any other works of art. I’m ready to bet that they would all have one cause of death engraved on their tombstones: perfectionism of their creator.
All of them have been abandoned at some point because of a ton of little (and in most cases insignificant) faults found by the only person who could bring them to life.
Most of them weren’t given a chance.
It’s sad, really.
Now that we’ve honored their memory by a minute of silence, let’s talk about why it happens. And why you need to avoid it happening to you. To your ideas and projects, I mean.
To be honest, I have no idea where my perfectionism comes from. I don’t know if any psychoanalysis will help me figure out why I constantly need to prove something to the world. I didn’t have strict parents demanding excellent grades from me. I didn’t have anyone putting additional pressure on me. I like to do it myself.
And it’s a real pain, I must tell you.
There’s a good chance you already know it.
So, what do we do?
The most important thing we need to understand is that nobody is perfect. Sounds banal, I know. We’ve all heard it a billion times. Except we didn’t really let the concept sink in. Because there’s always this nasty tiny voice whispering to us, “No one is perfect … but you need to be!”
Next time you hear this voice, tell it to shut up and leave you alone.
Truth is, you don’t. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t owe it to anyone, even to yourself. What you do owe to yourself is to give it your all. Try to be the best (and no, ‘best’ does not equal ‘perfect’) version of yourself. Learn from your mistakes and be grateful for those mistakes – because all they mean is that you’re actually trying. That you’re actually doing something. Be happy when you make mistakes. Embrace them. They are indicators of your progress.
Even your own definition of ‘perfect’ will change over time (it probably already has – multiple times – you just need to look back at some of your earlier views, concepts, and ideas and you’ll see it).
So why bother? Why struggle, suffer and pressurize yourself trying to achieve something that later on you will again view as ‘imperfect’? Total waste of your time and energy.
How about setting a permitted error percentage? A tentative one. Say, you need to get things right in 80% instances, and in the other 20% you allow yourself to make mistakes? Lets you breathe a bit more freely, doesn’t it?
Stop aiming for 100%. You’ll most probably never get there. Chances are you’ll just turn around and go back, which would be a shame, because your success was waiting for you at the destination, and you never showed up. Because you were afraid of being imperfect.
Which brings us to the next point.
2. “This is way out of my comfort zone.”
The next enemy we’re going to face is Fear.
You probably remember one or two nightmares you had, where something was scaring or threatening you, but you couldn’t move or even make a sound?
Same in life – even though in a somewhat more subtle way. Fear immobilizes us.
You might not realize it, because it is usually masked under different other emotions or feelings. But more often than you think, you can’t achieve progress or even quit altogether because of fear.
It can be fear of failure. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being judged (or laughed at). Fear of change. Fear of success (yup, that’s a thing).
I would say all of them have something in common. They are all related to a certain change. Change of status, or change of emotional state, or change of circumstances and surroundings – and it’s always followed by the need of further actions. And that’s what makes us even more uncomfortable.
We’re all living in our comfort zones. Following certain patterns. And no matter how much we complain about our life – the fact is that we’re actually quite comfortable in it, because we’re used to everything that surrounds us and even to what we think and feel and how we react to things around us.
Changing the pattern and trying something new would mean leaving the warm and cozy place where we’ve been snuggling up comfortably for years and even decades. Leaving it for the cold and windy and hostile unexplored territory, where we’ll have to learn and do new things. And stumble. And fall. And feel like a joke sometimes.
Of course it’s scary.
But I think it’s way more scary to spend the rest of your life in that little box that you delude yourself into finding comfortable.
3. “How dare I even try?”
Does the voice of Impostor Syndrome sound familiar to you? Have you ever found yourself thinking, ”What am I doing? Who do I think I am? Why am I pretending that I can do it? I’m not like them. They will see what I truly am, and it will be a disaster.”
Well, something along these lines. You got the gist.
First, we create an image in our head – a perfect one – and then we start panicking that we don’t conform to that standard. Impostor syndrome is closely tied to perfectionism, and it leads us to finding faults in anything we do, being hard on ourselves while also being overly sensitive to criticism, not appreciating our own achievements and successes and giving ourselves credit, thinking instead that we just got ”lucky” to get to a certain level. And last but not least – constantly comparing ourselves to others (not in our favor, obviously.)
You know what, I’ll just leave a quote by Neil Gaiman here. Read it and you’ll see – it’s all you need to know about impostor syndrome.
“Some years ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.
On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”
And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”
And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.”
Beautifully said. Think about it. In the end, all that matters is doing the best job we can.
4. “I want it all and I want it now.”
Impatience. My old friend. Always by my side.
I always “can’t wait.” It’s probably one of my most overused words, especially in the posts on social media.
I realize it, and I’m working on it. And I’m actually getting somewhere – the upcoming release of my book is proof.
When I started writing it last year, in the beginning I was uploading my chapters to Wattpad weekly. Which, on one hand, did me a huge favor in terms of self-discipline, but on the other hand there was an issue of seeking validation and approval.
I was new there, I didn’t have many readers. And I couldn’t wait to share my story and see what everyone thinks.
I was looking for different ways to increase my visibility and came across the annual writing contest on Wattpad. They accepted only fully completed works. I was in the very beginning, only a few chapters through. But I got excited and decided to use it as an incentive. I needed to submit a work of 50000 words, and I had two-three months for it.
The pressure I put myself under almost made me stop writing. I had a little baby and very limited time to write (he’s a toddler now and I have even less time). And I was about to rush the whole process and to end my book at 50K words … for what? Taking part in a contest?
My impatience was kicking me from behind, saying, “Go, go, go! Hurry up! Write it quickly, and submit it!”
And I almost surrendered. And then I realized I can’t make it, which led me to put the whole thing on pause for a month or two.
That was a very risky thing to do. And now, when my novel is available for pre-order on Amazon, after I came back to it and finished the first draft in my own time, at my own pace (which was again pretty fast, but realistically this time) and then spent a few months on editing it (which brought it from 92K down to 83K words) and preparing for publishing, I look back and think about how my impatience almost ruined it.
Everything valuable takes time. Don’t rush. Enjoy the process.
5. “I tried; it didn’t work immediately; so why bother.”
The last thing I wanted to discuss here is Lack of Persistence.
I’d say it’s a combination of Perfectionism and Impatience.
It’s when you have unrealistic expectations, and if they’re not met (immediately, says Impatience), you give up instead of pushing through.
So, to make it easier for yourself, first of all, ditch the expectations. Just focus on the actions you need to take on the way to your goal. Not on the result. Not on the timeline. Focus on the process. Do your best. You’ll trip and fall. Everybody does. Just get up and continue walking.
Continue giving it your best, taking responsibility, and learning from your mistakes. It will inevitably bring results. Sooner or later, one way or another.
If you really want to achieve it, you’ll keep trying. It won’t just be like “I tried once, and it didn’t work”. It’ll be more like “I’ll keep trying until I succeed.”
And it’ll most definitely be difficult. You’ll encounter all kinds of obstacles on the way. You’ll feel like giving up. You’ll feel discouraged and deflated.
But as Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Makes sense, right?
He also said something else, and I think the following quote perfectly sums up everything I was talking about here: “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
Author Elena Carter 